Past The 20%

There is no more dangerous time in an artwork – for me anyway – than when it’s about 20% done. I’m still trying to establish whatever needs establishing – line, shape, tone, colour, brushwork, composition – or all of the above – but it is probably still just imprecise outlines, blotches and ‘not quite right’ colours and tones in not quite the right places. These all combine forces to shout at me, ‘This is never going to turn out, this is a waste of time, you can’t do this, this is rubbish, YOU are rubbish!'

At this point, the desire to flee from this tirade, and do something ‘useful’, such as peg the washing on the clothesline, can be very strong. But I’m learning to say sternly to myself, ‘You can’t judge the artwork yet! It needs the other 80% to come together. Obviously, there’s no guarantee I will be satisfied with the finished piece, but when I am, I continue to be amazed when I think back to the 20%, ‘run, run, run away!’ stage which has accompanied most works.

The other night I began a line drawing from a photo taken on our recent holiday. I muddled for half an hour, thought it was rubbish and I was kidding myself; but at that stage it was too late to hang the washing, so I went to bed. With the optimism of a new morning, and because I’d not packed it away, I thought I’d give it a little more time, and it fell into place quickly and quite easily. (See below) The truth is, I’d done the hard, unrewarding part the night before.

So I remind myself to push through the early hack, unrewarding stage, regardless of how I feel. Not to let fear, doubt, insecurity and tiredness dictate what I attempt or finish, but let my hopes and desires do that!

Embankment Trees & Rooftop Gardens - Paris 7/8/18

Any % is Better than 0%

I always have so many reasons why now is not the best time. In a few days/weeks/months/years I’ll be less-tired/less- busy/less-distracted. Especially because I really want to do a good job. Especially with art where people will probably have to see it. (Curse you, visual art!) So much fragile ego at stake. What others think of me. What I think of myself.

For much of my life this has meant that usually I do 0%. Because in the world in which I live, it is never the ideal time to do anything. Myriad possibilities and responsibilities and conflicts attack from all sides. All the time.

But days/weeks/months/years slip by. So unintendedly. As a result I’ve learnt if a thing is worth doing, it’s worth making a start. Any start. I won’t wait until I can afford the better quality brushes/canvasses/paints. Until I properly organise my equipment/space/time. Until I have read the books and watched the YouTube tutorials. Because if my art is really worth doing, doing half as much as I’d have liked, not quite as well as I’d have hoped, will always be better than nothing.

I can’t say this is exactly what I’d hoped to write, but as now isn’t really a good time to write it, it’s the best I can do.